I want you more than these girls want KFC
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
