Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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