Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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