im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize