This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
