You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she was so not down for the gang bang
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
