i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
