I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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