bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
