i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
