awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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