The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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