is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
