well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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