i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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