maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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