DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
