'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
