Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
