Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
