in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
