so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
