bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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