It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
