I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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