The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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