He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My bed smells like the plague
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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