mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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