At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
