whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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