Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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