MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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