Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
