He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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