If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize