Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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