its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My life is pants optional.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
