Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
