if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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