you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
