Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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