it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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