I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize