a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
