Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
