This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
