my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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