You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
