mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
