listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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