Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
