The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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