yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
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This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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