What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just google imaged poop.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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