yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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