just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
