Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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