I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
